i hope shaiful and nadiah are both okay.
i hate motorcycle accidents, eversince i lost my cousin to it 13 years back.

i will never, ever sit on a bike. never.
im a scaredy cat.

but like what clorine said,
if you're fated to be in an accident, there's no way to escape from it.
even if you sit in a car with many many airbags, or if you're a pillion on a motorcycle fully covered with metal armours,

there's nothing we can do about it.









nobody can defy God.

obviously talked about.

current addiction on the net:
facebook's jetman and haikoo zoo.

very unlike me to be interested in all these games,
but i feel very young at heart suddenly, heh.
i even downloaded diner dash to be played on my laptop, and very happy with it.

im now back in broadcast. and below are the pictures for our print team.







and a failed attempt:



and a good one:





pictures taken in the indoor hall! woohoo.










NIE interview this friday.
scared to the max.

i went on a mini shopping trip with the boy just now after school.
and i went crazy, just thinking about the dkny apple perfume on display outside tangs shopping centre.

and i went ballistic after smelling this:



no, not britney spears. her fragrance - believe.
the name of the perfume, believe, doesnt justify anything, judging on how corrupted britney is at present.

here's a close-up of the perfume bottle itself:



it's so uniquely-shaped (probably because i seldom shop for perfumes anyway),
and i kept smelling my wrists while walking along orchard road.

just like a drug addict, haha.

so the dkny apple perfume and britney spears's believe will be on my birthday list.
i think most probably i would have to ask from mum, considering that dad would rather buy me those perfumes from mustafa centre.

but i like mustafa centre. cheap cheap place to shop for necessities.




suddenly i cant wait to turn twenty. and i have no idea why.

come to think of it,

im better off alone.
im so comfortable the way i am at present.

that explains things.







and i miss going starbucking with diy.

today is a happy happy day.
zulaiha and i were both online on a breezy sunday afternoon,
so she sent me the pictures taken two weeks ago.

yes, yes.
very stale blog entry, but i dont care. haha.

from two weeks ago:







very typical mirror shot in the toilet.
nora, zulaiha and i loved the toilets at marina square for the same apparent reason - the mirrors there rocked!
girls. what do you expect.

lunch/dinner at zam zam restaurant seemed to be like a weekly affair of recent.
it was my first time meeting nora, and she is this cool chick who isnt scared of lizards. and i salute her for that.

zulaiha and i cannot tahan all these creepy crawlies, please.

we ended the day at coffeebean, millenia walk before i proceeded to join my parents for dinner.



some teenagers were giving away free wasabi potato chips to us.
and we didnt feel like eating them at all.
so we left the chips on the coffeebean table, pretending they were tips for the coffeebean staff.
as you can see from the picture above, my drink was the smallest and perhaps most healthy.
i hate whipped cream, and im notorious for not finishing up my drinks (read: waste money!).

and the coffeebean baristas there were cute (:
sedap mata memandang.

oh and i lost my wallet there and then.
it was stupidity on my part,
because i only realised around four hours later that my wallet was nowhere to be seen.
i dropped it. yes, i dropped it.
and i couldnt recall where i could have left my stupid wallet behind.

maybe God had something planned for me.
the very same night, at 2am, an unknown malay guy with a helmet knocked on my door.
scary ok. in the early wee hours of the morning, some mat knocking on your door?
i opened the door anyway.

and the mat was there with my wallet.
he came to return it!
i was so elated, i was speechless.

i thought he lived nearby.
guess where he lived.

"i live in yishun." he said.
and mind you, i live at boon lay.

he somehow gave me a good impression of coffeebean staff on the whole now.
and he's cute, he rides a vespa. so plus ten points there, heh.

so basi, this story was two weeks ago.

yesterday:



we met up after the teachers seminar (which was sadly boring),
and had dinner at zam zam yet again.
we pinned high hopes on having drinks at boat quay's coffeebean because of the ambience, but we got lost.

in the end we had to settle for coke and ice lemon tea at liang court's macdonalds.
anti-climax, ok!

which is why i say, zulaiha keeps me sane every saturdays.

i stayed home the whole of yesterday because i was tired.



and pulled each and every visible white hair i could find on my mum's head.
everytime i pulled one out, i subconciously realised how she has aged so much,
and how close we've become throughout the years (minus all the fights and silent wars we had, yes, we're close).

i find mums, somehow magical and amazing.
i just cant find a metaphor to describe them.
lets just call mums, "superwoman", okay?

here are a few instances that can justify what im trying to say.
it applies to me, so i dont know about you guys out there.

example one:

many many months ago,
i remembered walking home from boon lay interchange, attempting to hold back my tears.
i recalled clearly i was from esplanade, bumping into the boy who was drunk.
he initiated a break up there and then, so i was feeling all cocked up by the time i got home.
i had to wake my mum up, because i forgot my home keys.
eventually i couldnt take it anymore and just burst out into tears.

like a baby ganyut.
but thats not the point.

she actually accompanied me from 1am to 4.30am,
knowing that she had to wake up early to make breakfast.
i was the one who fell asleep finally, and she couldnt because it was already time for her to wake up.

she sacrificed her sleep just to accompany her heartbroken and crying daughter.

example two:

my mum loves to act strong.
on national day (read my august's archives),
i thought i was going to lose my toe when a fish hook got stuck in my foot for no apparent reason at east coast.
mum couldnt travel all the way from boon lay to changi since dad wasnt in singapore,
so she had to rely on clor and darren to look after me.

i really thought i was going get my toe amputated (choy, touchwood),
so i was calling my mum, crying to her while i was lying in the ambulance.
she didnt cry - in fact she told me to pray to God and be strong.
haha, after the operation she came anyway. with my aunt and uncle.

and i found out from my aunt that mum was crying at home, worried about my condition.

my mother ah.

example three:

she cooks whatever im craving for.
thats why im kind of obese now.

and there're many other examples i can bring forward now,
but by doing that would take me one saturday.
so i shall stop at example three,
and be thankful to God for entrusting me under my mother's care.

she's the best.
(i think the most appropriate closure for this entry would be happy mothers' day. but so tk kena)

teachers seminar later on at orchard hotel,
and some retail therapy with zulaiha - the only person who keeps me sane on saturdays.

i have some love-hate relationship with weekends, you know.

i just woke up.
but here's the catch.


25 Jan 2008

Miss Nur Amira Aminnudin
739 Jurong West Street 73
#04-68
Singapore 640739

Dear Miss Nur Amira Aminnudin

REGISTRATION AS A RELIEF TEACHER

1. I refer to your application for registration as a relief teacher.

2. I am pleased to inform you that you have been registered with the Ministry as a relief teacher and placed on our wait list in our Relief Staff Management System for schools to source for relief teachers. Schools/Junior Colleges/Centralised Institutes will contact you directly if they require your services or you may call any school to enquire.

3. You are required to renew your registration in December 2008, if you wish to continue as a relief teacher after 2008. The renewal function is available via the web address at http://rsms.moe.gov.sg.

4. This registration is solely for the purpose of relief teaching. Your continued employment as a relief teacher is subject to good work and conduct.

Yours sincerely
Indra G V (Mdm)
Co-Ordinator (HR Services)
VITAL.org
for PERMANENT SECRETARY (EDUCATION)
This is a computer generated letter which requires no signature.
1 NORTH BUONA VISTA DRIVE
SINGAPORE 138675

im in a cranky mood today.
i was already planning to go to school last night - tudung all ironed, lunch all packed.

but then my laptop died on me halfway while i was doing my layouts.

so i thought, "well, like as if they're nice anyway!"
i suck at adobe photoshop. as much as i love looking at edited pictures, i was a never a fan of photoshop.

but anyway, i stayed up the whole night to re-do my layouts.
i just needed to show them that i can do it. and i never lie too.
im not in school today, and it sucks cos i was itching for more one tree hill.

i borrowed a book on photoshop. yes yes i did.
i cant believe it either. it helped me quite a bit.
and fadillah was being such a sweetie pie in guiding me through while i do the layouts.

in the end she fell asleep. haha, so much for wanting to accompany me throughout the night.

i still havent gone to sleep yet officially. and i cant.
did a lot of thinking, and i've realised that the older you get, the more responsibilities you'll have to shoulder.

i've read a friend's blog, and she mentioned about how she hasnt done anything for the past seventeen years of her life.

im turning twenty, and i think im a klutz in almost everything.
i've never achieved anything significant in life, and thats a very sad fact.
and twenty years,
i've never owned an ipod before,
i've never driven a car (i cant drive),
i've never even had a four-digit sum in my bank account.

all these nitty gritty details mean so much to me, because personally,
i've seen many twenty year olds who can think on their own, and are ready to stand on both their feet.

unfortunately, im not one of them.
and i guess i never will be.

im still dependent on my fourty year old dad who's working so hard to support the family,
and i still ask a measly $10 from my mum, who's not even working.

perhaps an eight-letter work would be appropriate for me:
p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c.

others look down on me cos im not IT or software savvy.
but im too tired to care anyway.

which is why i cant wait to get out from poly.
to get away from so many people.
i prefer being alone now. read a book, or get engrossed playing my psp.

well, if NIE decides to take me in, i'd be thrilled.
at least i can be around kids, and kids wont go asking me why i wear tudung.

oh. and im no longer close to my girlfriends anymore.
i dont know why. its like i've automatically pulled myself away from them.
the three of them go everywhere together.
and im always left at home.

its not that im jealous or whatsoever ok.
i just felt very left out.
the other night, one of them called to ask whether i've got poker cards, after which she explained that they're gonna play cards at the void deck and asked whether i wanted to join them.

i declined politely eventually.
why?

because they called me for poker cards, not to ask me join them.
if they had called me to join them first, before asking for those poker cards, then maybe i'd have gone down to accompany them.

i think its better i just pull myself away. i dont fit in anywhere anyway.
tsk.

oh. and getting older means more friendship problems, on my side.
and i know a lot of people are just acting to be friends with me.
guess what?

im playing along too. i need my sleep now.





thanks, aliff (:

this is sherri.



she is now finally her own self, and no longer moody. yayyy.

i've got only five weeks of school left,
and this week will be the last week i'll be in Print.
next week's back to broadcast, so hell man.

i cant wait to end school officially; i cant wait to sleep at 10pm, and wake up at 12pm the next day.

since all my articles are done,
i need to do the layout now.

shits.

(edited: 2.58pm)

What Amira Means

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

back to old times,
im listening to quit playing games with my heart by backstreet boys.

i miss the good old days.

i cant believe im actually listening to david guetta's songs on my media player now.
i dont even know how he looks like, tsk.

so anyway,
my birthday's in one month. and my sister was asking me what i want for my birthday.
when i was twelve, i remembered her giving me a big pack of kotex, wrapped in berita harian papers.

haha, we were so young back then.

so her question got me thinking for presents i wish i could get.
here goes:



ipod nano. thats love.
im currently contemplating to sell away my psp.
so maybe one source of music pleasure gone soon.



this lovely adidas watch in black and gold.
i've been deprived of watches eversince norman took away my green one two years ago, haha.



a walk to remember. both the dvd and the book.
i know, i know. cliche, right?



and i've got a fetish for bags. those bucket bags.



N76. man i need a new mobile phone.

and i hope dad would ask me what i want.
i'd love to print out the above pictures for his reference, heh.

as much as i rejoice, "TGIF!" when friday comes,
a substantial part of me dreads the weekends.

because weekends are:

when the lies from your mouth play their part,
when your sinful hands starts holding those beer cans,
and gulps of amsterdam or heineken flowing down your filthy throat.

and when you get high and drunk, your girlfriend starts to evanesce from your mind slowly.

you feel like you are the only one who walks the earth,
everything belongs to you when the alcohol intake starts to increase.

your girlfriend gets labeled a loser when she starts nagging at you to stop drinking,
she starts biting her already-short fingernails and begins to worry.

when she has doubts regarding you,
you'll get mad; you'll tell her to go away.

and when she does,
you plead with her not to leave you.

this has been going on for 1 year 5 months.

dont blame her if she starts hating your friends (which she already is, sadly).
she might start voodooing those useless bastards who are around you.






mirza once said clubbing is a platform for guys to perform infidelity.
i beg to differ.

i think myspace.com is the number one platform for bootless guys to be unfaithful, damn it.

from naddie(:

In 2007, I...

[ ] stayed single
[ ] cheated on someone
[x] been kissed
[ ] kissed someone new
[ ] made out
[ ] made out in a car
[x] kissed in the rain (hahahahahah, im lancing-lancing in the rain)
[ ] fell in love
[x] fell in love with a fool
[x] had my heart broken
[x] broke someone else's heart
[x] had a stalker
[ ] questioned my sexual orientation
[ ] got pregnant
[ ] had an abortion
[ ] got married
[ ] kissed someone of the same sex
[x] met someone that I will never forget
[ ] kissed under the mistletoe
[ ] got a job
[ ] got straight A's
[ ] failed a class
[x] cut class
[x] skipped school
[x] did something I was proud of
[x] embarrassed myself
[ ] fell in love with a teacher
[x] was involved in something that I will never forget
[ ] painted a picture
[x] ran a mile
[x] listened to music I couldnt stand
[ ] double dipped
[ ] skinny dipped
[ ] went to a sleepover
[ ] went to camp
[x] threw a surprise party
[x] laughed till I cried
[ ] flirted shamelessly
[x] visited a foreign country
[ ] visited a foreign state
[x] cooked a disastrous meal
[x] lost something important to me
[ ] got a gift I love
[ ] realized something new about myself
[x] tried to lose weight
[x] dyed my hair
[ ] smoked
[ ] came close to losing my life
[ ] went to a wild party
[ ] got arrested
[x] read a great book
[x] saw a great movie
[ ] saw a movie so scary that it made me cry
[ ] saw a favorite band live
[ ] did something that I wanted to tell everyone
[x] experienced something new
[ ] kissed a stranger
[ ] hugged a stranger
[x] made new friends
[x] lied to your parents
[x] snuck out
[ ] got in trouble with police
[ ] kissed in a pool
[x] kissed under the stars
[x] did an illegal drug
[ ] had the time of your life
[ ] performed
[x] fell out of love
[ ] had a crush on someone of the same sex
[ ] changed your sexual preference
[ ] swam in a pool
[ ] held someones hand that you didnt care about
[ ] held someones hand that you care about
[ ] hooked up
[x] told someone you like them as more than a friend
[x] gone on vacation
[x] gone on vacation with a friend
[ ] witnessed a loved one die
[ ] played strip poker
[x] danced in the rain
[ ] seen someone get in a car accident
[x] got in a fist fight
[ ] laughed until you couldn't breathe
[ ] had an amazing year
[x] missed someone
[ ] got hit by car
[x] sent someone to the hospital
[x] got a new pet
[x] am glad this year is over (miRa is very, very glad)

that was really random.
i even left a message on naddie's blog to ask for copyright permission, haha.




i feel so left out. in everything.
from girls' outings to whatever.
zero messages to ask me even.

thank you. go figure.

yesterday was the fourteenth.


from a girlfriend who bought her boyfriend a psp,

happy 17 months.



to a boyfriend who lost his psp,

your girlfriend is still pissed.

Dear Miss Nur Amira

Please refer to your application for teaching position.

2 I would appreciate it if you could submit the following
educational
documents to us by 14 Jan 08 via Fax: 67764429 or email.

a) GCE 'O' level
b) GCE'A' level (if any)
c) Polytechnic Diploma transcripts and Diploma Scroll
d) Any other relevant education documents.

3 Thank you.

Regards
Miss Angelica Chand
Assistant HR Executive / Recruitment Unit, Personnel Division


and i've misplaced my O levels documents.
im so upset.


have you ever felt like, at times, some things are better left unknown?

i cant believe i have to cope with that.

i was bloghopping to a friend's ex boyfriend's blog (lets call this guy H),
and happened to realise that they are having the same problem as rasyid and me.
rasyid and i are currently holding on - things are still hanging now.

here's an excerpt from H's blog:

"...and yeahh,ME and MY FRIENDS which she hate so much are alcoholic believe it or hate it..
if you're down and out,a bunch of real friends and some drinks will slower down your problems BUT not solving them..."

i stoned for perhaps a few minutes, and tried to digest the whole sentence written.

if you're down and out, all you need is someone to talk/wail to.
you dont have to drown yourself in alcohol, especially when you know your girl doesnt like it.
getting drunk at esplanade doesnt seem to be a respectable thing to do.
and real friends will respect your girl's/your decision.
what, drinking will slow down your problems?

f it la. excuses.

but of course, terpulang pada individu.
im very angry, for my friend. hope she's ok.

maybe its the insecurities,
maybe its time that has changed both of us,

or maybe, its just me.

the internet sms conversation went like this:

miRa: its true i love you. im so confident of that. and im not sick and tired of you. you are the confused one. you love me, but you dont know what you want

miRa: i've to practically force myself to say that im better off w/o you. you still want to enjoy life, you still wanna have fun. so why get tied down now?

rasyid: this is what i want! u ok! u dont trust me thats the thing!

miRa: then why cant you stop lying? do you lie to me bcos you're scared of losing me?

rasyid: i lie to u to avoid trouble! to kill suspicion..

miRa: but why.. what happened to truth in our r'ship..

rasyid: what why.. even if say like sonya is friend would believe? b4 movies we meet first.. does it sound wrong to u?

miRa: i cant say anything, can i? you're already turning 19, i cant be telling you what to do, and not to do, kan? dont you miss how we were last time?

rasyid: hell yes! definitely!

miRa: then why cant we be like how we were? are both of us changing? your expectations raised?

rasyid: i wish u were back to how u were! ok..

miRa: and i wish the same for you. im trying my best. but how would you feel if a girl were to call you gatal? in my mind, "what has my bf done with her?"

rasyid: fine.. i was just being crappy.. to her..

miRa: crappy? you were talking dirty with her, werent you?
miRa: or.. what have you done with her? is that a better qn?

rasyid: dirty? i comment her pic.. i didnt know u have a moustache is talking dirty?

miRa: if you were to see a guy telling me that i was being gatal, what would be on your mind?

rasyid: there u go asking nonsense.. argh what is it with u!

miRa: im not asking nonsense. answer me. what would be on your mind if a guy were to tell me that im gatal?

rasyid: i would think u were just joking.. u wont do anything..

miRa: one week. and i wonder, whether you do think abt me. and us.

rasyid: if i dont think bout u i wont msg u at night saying i love u..

miRa: you'll only msg me when you're alone at home, when nothing's on your mind, right? im confused. at times i feel you wanna work things out, but then..

rasyid: haiz.. i tau nk ckp ape lagi.. serious i syg u nanti u ckp i tk syg.. i work it out i tknk lak u ckp.. dala i want to go to school..

i wonder, when this phase will end.
many promised me that it'll end soon.
but when?

didnt i mention i am a total flop when it comes to relationships?

to rasyid,
i know you wont read my blog.
but do you know how much i miss you?

miss your hugs when im sad,
miss you wiping away my tears for me,
miss us rubbing our noses together,
miss you singing to me,

miss you being true to me.

im so tired, so dead beat trying to hold things together.
especialy when its a one-sided effort on my side.

from bless to me,

dearest laleeng!

i understand how difficult for words to form at your mouth right now,
and everything in your head is a big lump.
you think no one, even yourself can comprehend!

with every word mentioned,
and everywhere you go,
the memories just cant stop flashing,
the conversations,
the laughter, and his face.

but the world just keeps on moving,
and you'll just stay watching helplessly.

then the tears in your eyes have to fall,
and the straight face you've been trying to hold cringes and you break down.

through all these and more,
baby, you've got to believe in yourself cos we believe in you.
it pains to see you in this state but i trust that you'll take care of yourself.

baby, you've got to, and you will get over this.

i love you,
<3 Blessie.

to the rest too,
thank you so much.

judging from my emo posts,
im going to audition for the upcoming gelora episode #453. NOT.






all i can do is hope. and pray.
i want us to rub noses like always.

today was quite happening, i must say.

i slept at 11pm last night, and missed an episode of miami ink :(
woke up at 11am today, and lazed around in the living room like a dead carcass while waiting for time to pass.

the plan was to meet diana at 1.30 at city hall, because i've shamelessly asked her out to accompany me for the job interview.

diana and i had ample time to share stories and gossip about miss piglet & boyfriend.
it would be complete with mawar around (:

oh by the way, what job interview, you may ask?

well. it was coffeebean, the one at kallang leisure park.
i was so hyped up and all set for the interview, but when i got there, the manager was not in.
one of the staff suggested that i wrote down my number, so the manager would call me once she's in.
and mind you, the manager was supposed to start work at 4.
i waited for a good one hour, loitering around the whole place with diana like lost cats,
until to the point i gave up and decided to go to raffles city for an impromptu job interview.

and i shall not disclose where.
credits to azri, diana's friend for the recommendation, haha.

so now im waiting for their phone call.
i dont know why, but i really want this job.
maybe due to my recent bad financials. maybe.

im praying hard, yayy.

so after a whole day of running around,
i went to meet the family for dinner at fork and spoon.

for the first time,

my saturday wasnt spoiled at all.

im lost for words right now.
so i'll let pictures do the talking.

2008 countdown

i didnt plan to even go anywhere on new year's eve - i only wanted to stay at home with the family, and perhaps watch some dvds.
but mum and dad went out, and clorine called me to join them over at clarke quay.
i couldnt reject, when she mentioned, "we're going to watch the fireworks at esplanade after this. come!"

met them at 9 at clarke quay.





this is tanya, a new friend (jillian's friend, actually) of mine.
we share the same new year resolution (:



jillian and melvyn. forfeit time yo!



my 19 feb and benson, the class rep.



dont ask.



everyone who was there :)



my 19 feb and i.



the class people who went.



my TEP group in class. except for darren.



me, my 19 feb, and cherie.



it was hell of a night. thanks guys (:

christmas party

blessann's house was gorgeous.















sweets.

finally, i got to watch "I Am Legend"!
spectacular way to start the new year ok.

and will smith looks darn hot when he does those pull-ups. heh.

two-oh-oh-seven.

a year filled with angst, hate, disappointment and various downfalls.
there were several setbacks which brought me down emotionally and mentally as a person,
but eventually, i picked myself up - due to the fact that i still had my own responsibilities to attend to.

from relationship calamities, to friendship problems, and what-nots.

people never fail to usher in the new year with individual resolutions, which they hope/pray they can live up to throughout the 365 days.
but resolutions will always be resolutions;
they can be just empty words coming from someone who has resolutions just for the sake of having it,
or they can be declarations which people work hard to achieve.

i dont know what im driving at,
but the fact that 2007 had been a difficult year for me completely threw me off the chair. not literally, of course.

it's only the 2nd of january, start of a brand new year.
but look at what i've got to face.

lies, empty promises, and the miserable feeling of being hurt.

so much for "happy new year! hope everything goes well for you!"
nope, it didnt. and i fear to find out what 2008 has in store for me.

me.

happy 43rd birthday, dad.