i feeling-feeling wanna be a cool and composed teacher.
sometimes, my students just make me lose my temper (and hair)!


classic scenario #1:

"cikgu, saya tk bawak kerja rumah semalam."

and me, wanting to become a cool and composed teacher said, "kosongkan beg awak skrg."
so this student, emptied all the contents of his bag.
there were two squashed chocolate buns, covered with algae,
and worksheets that looked as if they just came out from the washing machine.

just when i thought there were nothing else in his bag,
he took this out:



MAJALAH PERKAHWINAN??
the thick wedding magazine??
and he left my stack of worksheets at home?

tak patut, tak patut.

and im a cool and composed teacher, remember?
so i told him, "awak ni gatal sangat nk kahwin?"

classic scenario #2:

today was my students' malay paper.
the kiddos were to stay in the form class to take the paper, instead of their mother tongue classroom.
so i met my kiddos after the paper, asking them whether they had problems with the paper.
this girl raised up her hand and said, "cikgu, tadi za'im ambil kertas saya. dier tiru saya!"


i was like, "huh?"
someone copied your paper, and instead of telling the invigilator in-charge, you chose to tell me after two bloody hours?

so i confronted the boy.
he kept quiet.
gave me the i-know-i-did-something-wrong-but-dont-wanna-tell-you-look and decided to keep mum.
i finally decided that for the good of all human beings of the world,
i'd better threaten him.

and he blurted out, "cikgu, saya copy tapi saya tukar nama dier!"
then he covered his mouth.

what. the. hell.

classic scenario #3:

this scenario deserves a one-line entry.
my primary 5EM3 didnt sit for their paper just now,
and told another teacher i didnt inform them that it was their malay paper today.

funny or what.
i just told them yesterday, and this morning.

kesian, short-term memory rupa-rupanye!

to all, i've changed my msn/email address.
im not using amira_diabolique@hotmail.com anymore (:

if you've been catching up with the happenings in my life,
you'd realise that i've deleted some posts on my blog.

just a few days ago,
my sister asked whether i was okay after the whole fiasco.
when people asked me what actually happened between me and him,
i'd just shrug my shoulders and say, "I dont know."

frankly, i really have zilch idea what happened.
or why this had to happen, for that matter.
everything crumbled down suddenly - i didnt even have time to spell w-a-i-t.

to answer my sister's question,
i think i am alright.
im coping well, i guess.
maybe three years ago, i might be crying my eyes out, accompanied by the sappy love songs by n'sync or even backstreet boys.
concurrently, im head-banging happily to the sounds of muse and fall out boy.
why head-banging? i dont know, haha.

i feel so numb now, until i find myself not crying for him,
or even feel sad.

like what aisyah said, maybe it's because i've anticipated this to happen.

whatever it is, i've moved on.
im looking ahead in life, plan bigger and better things now.

syahril, karma's a bitch.
it will eat into you slowly.

aku rasa lain beberapa hari ini.
sudah tiga minggu aku terbatuk-batuk, tak sembuh-sembuh pula.
kepala aku pula selalu pening tak tentu pasal.
ibu selalu mengomel - katanya aku degil kerana enggan makan ubat.

bukan enggan tapi aku malas.
bukannya penting, kan?

hari itu aku hampir-hampir hendak ke klinik Doktor Foo.
apakan daya, duitku telah ku ketepikan untuk membeli komputer riba yang baharu.

mungkin kerana kepalaku pening, macam-macam yang telah ku mimpikan semenjak tiga minggu yang lalu.
semalam, aku bermimpi yang ibuku sedang di dapur memasak sambal udang untuk sarapan.
(udang merupakan makanan kegemaranku di dunia ini)
mimpi itu seakan-akan betul lah.
apabila ku terjaga dari tidur, ku terus ke dapur.
rupa-rupanya ibu sedang memanaskan donut sahaja.

terbantut sekejap nak bersarapan.

aku teringin sangat nak makan sambal udang.

Dear Amira Aminnudin,

This morning I woke up and I was re-visiting our sms discourse last night. It took me eight years to realise why we still turn to each other in good times, and bad. Each of us have been through some shit in life and we deal with them in the same way, you realise that? We rarely cry when we confide in each other because we prefer to cry alone but we still know it when anyone of us is crumbling down.I remember the last time we held an SOS meeting over at beetsma's, I almost had a cardiac arrest when I heard what you've been through.If killing is not a sin,I would have destroyed those jerks who have hurt you thus far.As I've said before,I don't comprehend why anyone would want to hurt someone like you.However I think we have got to let go certain things in life that are beyond our control and take heed of the more important blessings that we have, like our families!You're a sensitive soul but still stubborn and strong as a steel,with a big humble heart.You're stronger and more mature now,and I hope you know what's best for you.We have gone through different routes in life but I am so proud of what you've achieved and where you are at right now.You will meet your prince charming who will treat you with love and respect.You will succeed and have a nice beautiful family and life will turn out good for you,cos you deserve it.Thank you for being there for me and for seeing me grow these past years.Life has more adventures in store for us and you can be assured I'll be keeping you company for a long long time.Happy 21st Birthday Beautiful :)

yours truly,
the girl who likes to go to your house but is afraid of your cat,
Nisa.

it'll be real nice to have the SOS meeting again.

so it was a simple 21st celebration.
no parties, no birthday bashes - just the way i wanted it to be.

thank you to everyone who actually remembered my birthday, and also to those who left me messages on facebook.

it's the thought the counts, y'all.

from aisyah, kok leong and augustine:







from my dad:





from myself (finding a reason to spend unnecessarily):



from my students:







from my sister:



from samuel:





happy birthday to me, thanks to everyone once again (:

i received a lot of things that i like,
but lost the one thing that truly mattered to me in my life.

Baby baby,

When we first met I never felt something so strong
You were like my lover and my best friend
All wrapped in one with a ribbon on it
And all of a sudden you went and left
I didn't know how to follow
It's like a shock that spun me around
And now my heart's dead
I feel so empty and hollow

one more day (:

it took me more than two years to forgive you.
now i dont think im gonna forgive you at all.

three more days.

the plan was to watch the wedding game,
but then the timings merepek nk mampos.
so we settled on this:



slumdog millionaire.
we were worried that the movie might not be to our liking.
but we were proved to be soooooo wrong!
the movie's great, the lead actor was hot, the storyline was perfect.

before that we went to eat at..... pastamania!
prawn aglio, yummmmmmeh.



i dont mean to tell everyone her problems,
but zila was stood up by her date.
yes, her valentine's day date.
the guy looks decent, but looks can be very deceiving ya?



and for me?
wah. still waiting for syahril to come back from brunei.



then i had retail therapy.
sinful, i tell you!
so much for saving money to buy laptop next month.



new shoes yet again.
the new balance shoes i wanted was gone!
so ya, had to settle for second best.

and if it helps,
i just bought a new dress from dorothy perkins.
itchy hands sia.

five more days!

at west coast...



... nice tong sampah!

i've always had fetishes for bags, sneakers and potatoes.
i spent half an hour surveying shoes online, found a few which i really like, and then another fifteen minutes thinking whether i should purchase them or not.

but then syahril will kill me if he finds out that im spending unnecessarily - during his absence somemore!

sitting on my shoes rack are:


#1: my puma suede


#2: my green jazz


#3: my brown everlast


#4: my knitted vans


#5: my maroon adidas


#6: (my) adidas falcon


#7: my blue checkered pumps


#8: my purpur crocs

#1, #3 and #4 were bought by the ex-boyfriend.
im not that kind to throw away things bought my ex-boyfriends,
and i love shoes.
so these shoes still stay on the shoe rack.

#6 was given by dad.
he found those shoes at the carpark when he was washing the car.
on account that i love adidas,
and thinking that they were jogging shoes,
my dad took the liberty of kutip-ing the shoes.
syahril told me months later that they were golf shoes, haha.

#7 and #8 bought at the john little and metro expo sale respectively.
they're pump shoes and i need them for school anyway.

#2 and #5 were bought using my own money.
no regrets there.

so you see, i love sneakers!

and i want:






plus the new balance shoes at raffles city shopping centre.
can eh syahril? can eh? can eh?

check out this cool vid.



given a choice, i would run.

aisyah was on medical leave today.
and i was battling with cough and flu.
my primary fives were such darlings - they were so cooperative today.
my primary fours as usual - they only obliged to my instructions after i screamed my head off.
my primary threes were getting on my nerves, like always.

but mondays have always been the most relaxed day of the school week.

i left school after marking all the books.
the plan was to drop by gek poh shopping centre to replenish my stock of candies in
the school cupboard.
but then i boarded the same bus as three of my students.
we were talking non-stop in the bus (actually they were shouting CIKGU AMIRA in the bus),
in which i decided to bring them for some early dinner since i was kinda famished.



this is hirkee.
he's quite lovable actually, apart from those sahlakau sakongsa talks of his.
i will always tell him, "macam paham!" everytime he starts talking about piercings and tattoos.







this one i like.
asri, my primary six eyecandy in school.
it took me several attempts to make him stay in his seat so that i can have his picture taken.
shy pie or what.





this is hirree.
he's hirkee's younger brother.
both hirkee and hirree have ten siblings in total!
TEN, i tell you!
and their parents are only 30+ years old.
terror or what!

talking to these kids,
made me think so much.
about life, about teaching, about empathy for other people.


ten more days to being a full-fletched adult,
six more days to syahril coming back.

di sini aku ingin mengatakan bahawa aku tidak suka dengan lelaki yang berkepala botak.
dari kecil hingga ke besar, aku memang tidak gemar melihat kaum Adam yang tidak berambut.
tetapi yang peliknya, aku pangkar habis-habisan lelaki yang bermisai, berjanggut dan mempunyai dada yang berbulu.

sesungguhnya aku tidak tahu mengapa aku berbual tentang rambut dan bulu.

aku rindu betul dengan syahril (ini tiada kena mengena dengan rambut dan bulu, ya?).
apa agaknya yang sedang dilakukannya sekarang di Brunei?
mungkin dia dipaksa untuk makan sayur.
ataupun terpaksa duduk di dalam hutan bertemankan nyamuk dan makhluk-makhlus halus.
syahril, cepatlah balik.
aku hampir suku gila memikirkan keadaan kamu tau.

aku rasa, aku harus berhenti sahaja impianku untuk berlari anak setiap malam.
khairi telah menghantar 30 Ferrero Rocher melalui pos kepadaku.
samuel pula telah mengirimkan berplastik-plastik cokelat yang beraneka saiz dan rasa.
wah, syiok!

tiga belas hari lagi.

i hate friendster.

hari ini aku banyak berfikir secara rawak.

tadi di gerabak keretapi sewaktu di Boon Lay,
aku ternampak seorang lelaki berbangsa Cina berlari dengan semangat untuk menyelit masuk ke keretapi yang hampir tutup pintunya.
dia tidak berjaya.
malahan, badannya sudah setengah masuk ke dalam keretapi tersebut.
untuk menutup malu, dia mula memaki-hamun keretapi itu.

macamlah keretapi itu faham percakapannya.
aku rasa, kalau boleh menjawab, memang sudah lama keretapi itu maki balik.

buah fikiran #1:

bayangkan kalau badan akulah yang setengah masuk ke dalam keretapi itu.
hmmm.
aku rasa aku akan keluar dari stesen keretapi itu.
naik bas lagi selamat.

sesudah aku berebut tempat duduk dengan seorang nyonya kiasu nak mampus,
aku pun menyumbat telinga dengan earphones psp aku.
aku mula berkhayal.
namun, seperti biasa, lamunanku terhenti dengan mendadak.
seorang lelaki muda hilang imbangan ketika berjalan dalam kabin itu.
dia pun bengap juga.
dia berjalan apabila keretapi itu mula bergerak juga.
dah begitu tak apa,
nak step terror - dia tak pegang pun palang besi.

sekali dia jatuh.
bukan di lantai.
tetapi terpeluk seorang nyonya yang sedang duduk di hadapanku.
sudah jatuh tak apa, tak boleh bangun pula.

untuk menutup malu, dia pun angkat kaki ke kabin yang lagi satu.
aku rasa aku terbahak sekejap melihat gelagatnya.

buah fikiran #2:

kalaulah aku yang jatuh,
aku akan ketawa dahulu.
baharu aku buat kawan dengan nyonya itu.

sesuatu berlaku tadi ketika aku sedang melungsuri Internet.
aku enggan beritahu apa yang berlaku,
tetapi dalam kepala otak aku ini ada soalan:
lelaki semuanya samakah?

buah fikiran #3:

kalau semuanya sama,
matilah aku tak kahwin.
aku sudah boleh mula berfikir tentang pengambilan anak angkat.
ala-ala Angelina Jolie.

Syahril telah pun berangkat ke Brunei.
mungkin untuk masa dua minggu ini,
cukup untuk dia dan aku berfikir tentang perhubungan kita.
hmmm.

buah fikiran #4:

aku rasa senang sekali kalau ada perselisihan faham dengannya.
dia akan bertanya kepadaku dengan cara yang baik,
yang membuatku tersentak sejenak.
dalam bahasa Inggeris, "we end up talking instead of fighting."

lagi lapan belas hari.