"You can close your eyes to things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel."



churning in my mind,
apprehensive hopes building up,
the love starts to grow, yet again.

the three days stay was fulfilling albeit being brief.
all we did was cook, watch dvds, and bringing the little brats down for short walks.
it was simple - the simplest type of life i've ever wished for.

finally i've come to realise,
all he needed was company.
all these while, what he yearned for was attention and sincere love coming from the people around him.
he didnt need to drown himself in alcohol to forget his problems.

for two years,
he's been telling me that he has loads of problems burdening his shoulders.
i overlooked that modest statement of his, and even regarded it as casual remarks coming from a 19-year old guy.

now i understand, now it's all coming to light.

i could have made things easier for him if i had listened.
however hard i try to be there for him,
i gotta admit, i almost failed.

he had such an irksome childhood, and if ever there's a time to make up for those bitter moments, it should be now.

he laughs, he jokes, he monkeys around a lot,
but at the end of the day,
he tears and he gets worried - worried why his life is currently at the lowest point right now.
im not psychic, but i do empathise with him.

he might deny it whenever i bring the topic up,
but as much as he does that,
he's unaware that his eyes have given him away.

yeah yeah, i know you people might go, "EMO SIA MIRA!" or, "WTF DID SHE JUST TYPE FOR THE LAST FEW PARAGRAPHS?"
but hey, deep down, i really do wanna make a difference. to his life. in his life.



i just wanna be there for you.
stop crying, baby.

no squabbles, no misunderstandings, no miscommunications.
we have been pretty alright for the past few days, so no complaints here, right bie?

yesterday was the NIE briefing over at MOE.
not bad, substantial number of Malays present, but mostly taking the degree straight - unlike me who prefers taking the longer route.
many had their comrades along (haha!) so while waiting for our individual turns to go up on stage to talk to the head teachers,
there was this guy beside me who started a conversation, while i was busy playing Ape Academy on my psp.

him: what number are you?
me: 67. you?
him: oh. 72. what number is it now?
me: erm. 8.

then both of us looked at each other and started laughing our asses off.
imagine our amused agonies.


so anyway,
i was in the mood for dvd marathon last night.
yes, so much for MARATHON.
i only managed to watch ONE movie.

go and die ah mira.



damn good movie. i almost chose Lion King over it initially.

what else can i do now, other than cry?

It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.



im so scared right now,
for what life has in store for me.

7 March 2008

Dear Miss Nur Amira Aminnudin,

OFFER OF APPOINTMENT TO THE EDUCATION SERVICE ONE AND A HALF YEAR CONTRACT

I am pleased to inform you that you have been selected for appointment to the Education Service. You will be deployed to a school to teach prior to undergoing teacher training at the NIE........

.....upon acceptance of offer, you will assume duty on 21 July 2008.








I actually passed the bloody intimidating interview!
yahoo! finally earning my first thousand - must start saving up already, haha.

its been a while since i've watched a movie.



the movie was great, although i still preferred take the lead, haha.
i felt very demoralised seeing all those flat tummies,
fully-shaped butts,
and reasonable-sized boobs.
and they're all commendable dancers too.

me?

i cant even do the zapin properly, damn.

thanks for the treat, bie (:

i dont think i should elaborate about how fucked up i felt during work just now.
my perceptions of certain people begin to change, and im glad for that.

more shit later on, and what the hell - its a saturday.

thank you for picking me up, although you had to wait for almost an hour outside the store.
i couldnt stop talking to you. well actually..

we couldnt stop gossiping. ten points for that!

fourteen.



five minutes away from 12am, and i purposely made him wait for his north-south train.
at 11.59pm, his watch alarm went off.

me: eh how come eh your alarm was set at 11.59pm? what a weird timing.

him: oh. i also dont know la, sayang. remember the tasmanian watch you bought for me dulu? the alarm also same time whaaaaat.

me: oh ok. i didnt realise that.

and it was already 12am when our respective trains arrived.

him: ok bye bie! i'll call you later ok.

me: haha can can. bye. and happy 1 year 7 months, i know you forgot.

after which i heard maybe 2049828548805 cricket sounds.
guilty as charged, heh.

him: oh shit! bie! bieeeeeeeeeeee!



seperti bak kata pepatah, "aku pijak kau, kau MATI."
ok la, such malay proverbs dont exist.

guess what im watching right now on star world?



yes, yes.
who wants to be a superhero.

and i cant believe im watching it, haha.

True love is like a pair of socks: you gotta have two and they've gotta match.

now, lets revert to plan b.

i wanna lie down on the sea breaker,
and wait for the shooting stars to pass me by.

then i'll wish for you to be back in my life.

for you to wait for me outside my workplace listening to your mp3,
for you to print pictures of us at Kodak's digital print machine,
for you to buy me random bouquet of flowers after a fight,
for you to be worried everytime my handphone is switched off,
for you to ask whether i feel like watching a movie,
for you to always miss me,
for you to say that you love me during random timings,
for you to hug me everytime i cry,
for you to tell me that everything will be alright,
for you to make a trip down to my house at 3am just to make sure im ok,
for you to count down to our monthly anniversaries,
for you to kiss my forehead everytime you meet me,
for you to be proud to tell your friends about how cute i eat my mcspicy burger,
for you to hold my hand tight at esplanade although im dressed like shit,
for you to be faithful,

for you to be like how you were last time.
please, rasyid.

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishin on a wishin star
He's the song in the car I keep singing,
Don't know why I do


i play the clarinet instead of the guitar,
and i dont have a car.

i deserve so much better.

i promise not to be late for school from now on.

i promise not to escape to AMK Hub anymore during lunch hours.

i promise to always hand up my group's scripts and synopsis on time.

i promise never to skip school again.

i promise to edit and edit and edit and edit.


eh wait.

TODAY LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!



hahahah. mira memang kau sengaje.


year one:



look at how young we were. haha.

year three:



front row: HODs. HAHA!







MS 0502, you kinda shaped my life.

the truth about truth is? it kills.

so we lie.

it hurts so much to see both of them cry.
the tears were never meant to be.

the drama, oh my god.
please. we're 20 year-olds now.

two days ago,
i sat in the pantry with darren, mirza and reyn,
talking about random stuff.

mirza asked me, "mira, why are you still with him? since you're graduating soon, and another phase in life will come, dont you think you need a closure?"

that question was left unanswered.
and it's still clear in my head until now.

rasyid's ex-girlfriend told me to move on and find someone else who would appreciate me for who i am and what i am.
i'd like to tell her that i've been trying to do so for quite some time already.


off to jogging now.
morning sunshine.

today at work, samuel asked me to make a frappucinno beverage that goes like this:

triple venti no whipped add java chip caramel affogato tazo chai tea cream frappucinno blended cream.

the order itself is wordy enough, so imagine calling it.
the amount of saliva, man.






i remembered stepping into nyp on 18 april 2005, praying very hard that march 2008 will come soon.
six more days, people. six days.