i walked in the rain, clenching my fist; trying my very best not to slip and fall.
reached home to an almost empty house, rushed to my room; sat cross-legged on the already-messed up bed.
shivering and clad in my wet gear, i stared at the handphone; nope you didnt call at all.

you never understood me. never.

with all the problems wrapped around me at home,
the last thing i needed is for you to disappear into thin air when i needed you the most.
it was my fault that i was in an exceptionally grouchy disposition,
but have you ever wondered what triggered it?
questions questions questions.
all you did was question me.
have you ever sat me down and talked to me calmly on what happened?

when i come home, i'd love to have a mother to ask me how school was,
how my day went,
and whether dinner was alright for me.

not a mother to look at me for a mere three seconds,
and then eyes glued to the television screen.

i was frantically searching for something sharp and dangerous - maybe to cut my wrist for the fun of it.
or some sleeping pills to make me fall into a deep sleep til morning.
but nope, i found none of those.

i messaged three girlfriends.
only one available, and ready enough to hear what i had to say.

i changed into dry clothes, and made a two-minutes walk to her house.
walked into her familiar room, and buried my face into her blanket.

and cried.
and cried.

i sobbed like i've never cried before.
it's been a while anyway.

i reached home at 10.30pm, to an almost empty house again.
and nope, you still didnt call.



thanks, girlfriend.