im ranting. venting out my frustrations.

i believe i've declared this somewhere,

but i would really love to repeat this: where the matters of the heart is concerned, im a total flop.

a complete failure.

just when i thought everything was perfect, everything was sweet surrender, im faced with a massive attack yet again.

but this time round, from someone, a girl whose words whom i never thought i could never believe in a million years.

this time was different; i trusted her words completely.

suddenly i felt as though that girl was god-sent, opening my eyes to the real, harsh facts involving the kid/boy/guy/man that i've loved for almost a year.

so my instilled female instincts were right all along - i should have used them long time ago during those cinta-monyet-puppy-woof-woof-love-days back then in swiss cottage.

ok, a wee bit too late to regret anything from the past.

so moving on is the only solution.

its infuriating to think of what he had said about me, what he had done behind my back.

time and time again i've forgiven him, and time and time again he's breached the trust i've given him.

now you tell me. if that ain't love, then what is this?

i've been patient. i've been forgiving. i've been everything i wasnt in my past relationships.

i blew $36 to and fro woodlands, just to apologize for a fight we had at 1.30am in the morning.

i spent $70 on a ben sherman shirt that you liked, so that you'd feel better after a quarrel.

i helped you settle your bills, i did everything i can for your own convenience.

i've been looking after you - feeling guilty and remorse after each arguments, be it small or big.

people say it's purely stupidity.

some even say im blinded.

but i chose to stick with my stand; im in love.

but after yesterday, i've realised how shallow the definition of love might be to you.

so hereby im saying this. saying something i thought i could never say to you.

i'm giving up, although i love you.